Sex and drugs and alcohol, gleanings from the Alex Jones Famous Fiction Writers School

Good morning Austin:

I was sitting on a bench yesterday in the Travis County Courthouse where the Alex Jones-Kelly Jones child custody trial was in its fourth day, my head down looking at my laptop, when I heard a low muttered growl and something about “famous fiction writer.”

I looked up and saw it was Alex Jones, breezing past me on the way back into the courtroom.

Narcissist that I am, I thought Jones was talking about me.

Until I read Charlie Warzel’s report on the Day in Jones in the Daily Beast:

Earlier in the hallway, he referred to a group of reporters as “famous fiction writers” and told another reporter “man you must be so desperate.”

OK.  Famous Fiction Writers, plural.

Oh well, so he wasn’t talking about me, he was talking about we, the collective that could be called the Alex Jones Famous Fiction Writers School.

Even before the Great Age of Fake News, it has always, of course, been a problem, separating fact from fiction.

And I fully understand that Family Court is not place to let you freak flag fly.

But my distinct impression of the Alex Jones I have observed on Infowars and in every bit of his public persona is that he is a man’s man, or really a caveman’s caveman.

 

By all rights his theme song ought to be courtesy Ian Dury.

Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Is all my brain and body need
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Are very good indeed
Keep your silly ways or throw them out the window
The wisdom of your ways, I’ve been there and I know
Lots of other ways, what a jolly bad show
If all you ever do is business you don’t like
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Is very good indeed
Every bit of clothing ought to make you pretty
You can cut the clothing, gray is such a pity
I should wear the clothing of Mr. Walter Mitty
See my tailor, he’s called Simon, I know it’s going to fit
Here’s a little piece of advice
You’re quite welcome it is free
Don’t do nothing that is cut price
You know what that’ll make you be

Gray is such a pity.

But the Jones presented by his lawyers is just Good Old Dad, filing the breach when his wife freaks out, not letting his day job as the most influential conspiracy theorist in American history get in the way of just being Dad, who likes to make dinner and, as he testified under oath, “watch .Gilligan’s Island.”

“I don’t think about work at home. I like to swim in the pool and eat hamburgers.”

Just Dad.

Sure, he acknowledged on the witness stand, “I think I do provocateur some things,” but “not to the extent of the media editing it to make it more provocative.”

In fact, Jones said yesterday that he considers himself to be “kind and gentle” 95 percent of the time on Infowars.

It’s just that “that’s not what gets cherry-picked” by his critics.

Yes, he said, he is a performance artist at times, but not “the media interpretation of that.”

Meet Alex Jones, sketch artist.

But, some of the best moments of the trial have come when the real Alex Jones has come into conflict with the Bob Newhart Alex Jones. (Once upon a time I would have said Bill Cosby, but that obviously doesn’t work so well anymore.)

ALCOHOL

So, for example, Kelly Jones’ lawyers showed the jury a video of Jones appearing quite drunk in Washington for Donald Trump’s inauguration.

Now, Alex Jones would have you believe he wasn’t drunk.

But, really why shouldn’t he be drunk.

It seems to me if you’re Alex Jones and you have gone from doing a cable access show in Austin to really and truly playing an instrumental role in electing a president of the United States, and that presidential candidate has courted you and that president pays attention to you and takes you maybe more seriously than you may have taken yourself, and his narcissism makes you look like the Dalai Lama, well, you have a right, a duty, to tie one on for his inauguration.

Jones’ wee inaugural inebriation also led to one of my favorite all-time Alex Jones riffs, what I referred to in a previous First Reading as Alex Jones’s Night(cap) at the Newseum.

The premise here is that Jones, who was broadcasting from Washington for inaugural week, visits the Newseum – the museum of news – treating it as a museum of dinosaurs, with its line of newspaper front pages displayed out front, papers like, as Jones puts it, the Los Stegosaurus Times

DRUGS

Oh dear. Shades of Elvis.

It would, it seems to me, be better if Jones followed the lead of his mentor-in-Trump and this week his sometime Infowars guest host while is in court – Roger Stone.

Stone:

When you smoke it you become very paranoid and want to got to a Chinese restaurant.

From The Stone Cold Truth on March 31:

When President Trump was still Candidate Donald J. Trump, he made many remarks regarding honoring States Rights when it came to the individual States to decide on the issue of marijuana.

In the now famous November 23, 2015 GQ video, then Candidate Trump talks about legalized marijuana, and in it he said “Legalized marijuana is always a very difficult question . . . for medicinal purposes, for medical purposes . . . absolutely, its fine”.

Tens of millions of Liberty minded Americans believed him when he said this and took his message to heart, fully expecting him to end the ineffectual and wasteful War on Weed.  Americans were not wrong to believe President Trump, as he was also on record a month earlier in the Washington Post, on October 29, 2015, being quoted as saying “”In terms of marijuana and legalization, I think that should be a state issue, state-by-state.”

These voters were relieved that is, until the position of Attorney General Jeff Sessions reached the public domain.  While Jeff Sessions is an excellent jurist and an astute politician, he unfortunately is also an adherent to outmoded thinking on marijuana.  As a product of the Religious South, it is natural that AG Sessions would take the dimmest view of marijuana, but there is little room left for debate as to the origin of the marijuana prohibition laws and how they were formulated as a tool to bludgeon both the poor and minorities, the largest consumers of the formerly legal plant. Perhaps Attorney General Sessions has forgotten his Genesis from the Old Testament:

“I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.”     Genesis 1:29

Or perhaps he was never familiar with some of the lessor known quotes of Thomas Jefferson:

“If the people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their bodies will soon be in as sorry a state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny.”    Thomas Jefferson

But, instead of what ought to be Jones’ libertarianism on marijuana, what we got out of Alex Jones in court yesterday was some aspiring Junior G-Man, a la Elvis.

And yet, read this from Smithsonian Magazine:

Elvis was traveling with some guns and his collection of police badges, and he decided that what he really wanted was a badge from the federal Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs back in Washington. “The narc badge represented some kind of ultimate power to him,” Priscilla Presley would write in her memoir, Elvis and Me. “With the federal narcotics badge, he [believed he] could legally enter any country both wearing guns and carrying any drugs he wished.”
Kelly Jones’ legal team also started to play a clip to the court yesterday from Joe Rogan’s February podcast with Jones, a la sex and drugs and alcohol, (on Trump’s famous, “grabbing women… “remark, Jones says, when “a woman is climbing on top of you, that is what mammals do”), until, a few minutes into it, his attorneys all of a sudden realized that this was a video that Judge Orlinda Naranjo had not approved to be shown to the jury.

Oops.

Never mind.

SEX

From my story today:

(Kelly Jones attorney Bobby) Newman used the March deposition testimony to tie Jones up in knots about whether he had acknowledged having sex with a woman, who remains a friend, even after his new wife, Erika — who is now eight-plus months pregnant — moved into his home after their engagement in November 2015.

In the deposition, Jones acknowledged that he continued having sex with the other woman until about March 2016. But, when Newman pressed Jones to confirm his previous testimony, Jones offered a befuddled look and said, “I’d have to see a calendar.”

He later denied that he had sex with the other woman after his engagement.

Dad?

All this gets confusing.

I don’t have a calendar in front of me.

I told her all about that.

Dad!

I mean it seems like if you were sleeping with another woman after your fiance moved in with you, you would remember that.

And if a calendar would help, well, what else, who else, is on that calendar?

And then there was Newman asking Jones about an ad Newman said Jones’ new wife, then a massage therapist (“yoga instructor,” said Jones), ran six years ago seeking hotel clients in search of  a “sensual, sophisticated and intelligent companion.”

To which, Alex Jones offered the ultimate Infowars reply.

We’ve done a forensic investigation. This is an identity theft issue.

But wait, Newman told Jones his wife acknowledges all this in her deposition.

Hadn’t he read her deposition?

“I scanned it,” Jones said in the not the most ringing terms.

“You didn’t have a conversation about services she provided to men in hotel rooms?” Newman asked.

“I know all about her house getting broken into and a lot of stuff planted,” Jones said.

And then, “I just don’t trust you man.”

 

 

 

 

Reader Comments 0

0 comments